For Sale: One Silver Cat

For Sale: One silver cat
adorable and not too fat
but she scratches the hell out of sofas
I’ll make no bones about that.

She’s lost a few of her lives
because she brings me out in hives
when she claws holes in the carpets
and eats all my chives.
The basils have all turned black
(she pees on them behind my back)
and last night she poo’d in the parsley pot –
I hope it’s survived the attack.

I can’t visit the bathroom at night
without switching on all the lights
in case she’s sicked up a fur-ball.
(I’ve stepped in a few, all right!)

But this morning was the last straw
when I woke up at half-past four
to find a dead rat on my pillow.
I just can’t take anymore!

If you can put up with all that,
you can have my silver cat
but I may come round to reclaim her

because I’ll miss her – despite all that. :-)

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